Cold hands, warm shart.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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