you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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