Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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