addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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