I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
