Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
