Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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