Someone shit on the floor
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
