i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
