Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
