Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
