It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
