I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
