You just made me feel so damn special
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
