"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
