i need an iv and a liver transplant
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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