if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
