hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
