No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
