"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
