You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
