I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
