sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
