did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
