you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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