So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
