wrigley field is MILF paradise
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
