plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
