Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
