I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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