i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
