I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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