I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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