Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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