just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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