It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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