how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
