it was like his penis was on wheels.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
