my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
