toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
