she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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