Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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