My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
