Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
