I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
