If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
