I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
