just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
In America we eat man semen.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Boobs speak an international language.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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