How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
