I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
