Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
